When I first became a Christian, my family joined a church that appeared to be warm and loving. We were so young in the Lord we didn't know any better until it was too late. Everyone was warm and loving for a few weeks after new members joined. However, if they did not conform to the accepted dress code and behavior quickly enough they were ostracized and treated like failures.

Many churches are like this. There are unspoken rules and guidelines that one must follow. Paul told us, "For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise" (2 Corinthians 10:12). 

God designed us so that we can all work together in His kingdom and carry out His plan for the world around us. He has placed each one of us in an environment that has been prepared for us. And He has prepared us for the environment. As we blend our different gifts into the work, the whole place benefits.

Baskin Robbins based their success on the fact that they offer thirty-one different flavors of ice cream. I love chocolate and orange sherbert in a waffle cone. My grandchildren always ask for the bubble gum flavor. They laugh at my orange and chocolate concoction and I yuck their bubble gum mess. Wouldn't the world be boring if we only had vanilla ice cream? Baskin Robbins would have had to sell hamburgers and get a Dairy Queen franchise. They certainly couldn't have become the success they are today if all ice cream were alike.

If we are going to carry the Gospel to the world or see our families come to know and serve Christ, we are going to have to learn to accept and embrace the differences in others. Not everyone is going to be like us. They may even hold differing viewpoints on important spiritual or political issues, but with patience and God's love, we can learn to appreciate the positive things they do offer. There is something good in everyone. We can be the one to find it and encourage others to accept them for who they are and not what we want them to be. When the church learns to do this, we will see the church come to life and begin to take her place in today's world.

I'll never forget the day when all this changed. Brother Schuetz and I had been married less than two months. We were standing in the yard and he said something that infuriated me. My response was to jump in his face, screaming. He looked at me for just a minute and said, "Woman, when you can carry on an intelligent conversation I'll be in the house." With that he turned around and sauntered inside as if he didn't have a care in the world. All I could do was stand there, mouth open, without a word to say. How could I argue, he wasn't there to listen? He wouldn't have heard me if I yelled at him. I knew better than to follow him and argue or yell. There's no telling what he would have done. All I could do was stare at his back as he walked away.

That was a turning point for me. From the very early days of our marriage we've never really argued. When we disagree we focus on what we don't agree on and purpose to never hurt each other. We look for solutions to the thing we disagree on. The only time we ever have to apologize to each other is over misunderstanding and never for purposely causing each other pain. Our relationship is too important to both of us to drive a wedge  between us, for any reason. He's my best friend and I'm his. Why would we either one purposely hurt our best friend? 

This lesson didn't stop with my husband and children. It took a while, but it eventually seeped into other relationships. Many things have happened to us in the past 25 or more years that have taught us the importance of relationship. There was a time that I had to prove I was right. Even though I cared about others, I still had to at least feel "God and I" knew the truth.

This can really be destructive behavior for a pastor. Unbridled, it can even lead to one becoming defensive and angry. It's easy to lose your gratefulness to God. You can't understand why others don't appreciate and understand you. You begin to get angry because people don't recognize how you sacrifice for them. Left unchecked, it can lead to bitterness and even total meltdown.

It has taken years, but God's finally taught me "relationship is more important than being right." There are many times that I don't agree with another person, however, arguing with him will not change his opinion. Neither will condemnation, censorship, or gossiping about him change his perspective. I've found that if I love him and develop a relationship with him he will learn to trust me. Then I gain the influence and respect that will make him want to hear what I have to say.Proverbs 18:2 says, "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."

Why lose an important relationship just for the surge of "power" or the sense of "pride" we get from feeling right? Does it really make any sense? What would happen if we were to occasionally admit that we might be wrong, and maybe bite our tongue, even when we might really know more than the other person? If every one of us made the commitment to hold our opinion for one month it would change our world. Who knows where that would lead.

Though we love our parents, we grow up; marry, move away, and start new families. Eventually, our children will leave and start families of their own. Couples are together long after the children are grown, so we should make our marriage our priority.

Cotten Mather wrote, "Well ordered families naturally produce a good order in society." God's purpose for a healthy marriage is to produce healthy families. Healthy families produce a healthy society. Marriage blends two people from different backgrounds and families, with different customs, traditions, and methods of communicating, into one. This will naturally cause conflict. Newlyweds are often like two porcupines trying to hug; the closer they get, the more they hurt one another.

By understanding a few important relationship principles, we can find new ways to handle conflict. After we're married, we can't react to anger and disappointment as we did before. Learning to disagree without disagreement is important to any family. Ideally, most couples should build their relationship before having children, to give them time to develop healthy methods of conflict resolution.

I'm from a large family with six screaming kids. My husband, Michael, was the oldest of three bookworms. We were married two months when we had our first blow up. We were outside when he made me angry. I started screaming. He simply said, "Woman, when you can carry on an intelligent conversation, I'll be in the house." With that, he sauntered inside and closed the door. I was speechless. This changed my life by forcing me to learn healthy conflict resolution.

Occasional disagreement is normal in marriage. How we treat one another during conflict seriously affects our relationship. We must focus on what we disagree on instead of throwing up past failures or using harsh, cutting words that wound. We need to find a solution, not win an argument. If we want to fight to win, we should take up boxing. If we want to build a healthy family, we should concentrate on what's best for the relationship and set aside our own agendas.

Our family is to have a positive influence on our community. We are God's testimony to a lost world. People observe how we interact with, and speak to one another. They see our children's demonstrations of love and it makes them wonder what makes our family different from other families. What better opportunity to share God's love and draw them into His kingdom? When we build our family using God's relationship principles, we will have achieved His purpose, and we will find our place in His plan for our lives and for our family.

Prayer is not a Band-Aid for a busy day, aspirin for the spirit, or antacid one takes after over-indulging in the world. It's powerful, exciting, refreshing, and brings vitality to any life willing to commit to pray.

As we understand prayer, and pray regularly, we think about God more. Joy becomes second nature and other relationships improve.

Prayer is man's acknowledgement of a higher being. When we pray we address God, the Creator of the universe; a mere mortal has a personal audience with the King of Kings. It is simply spiritual communion with God.

A young man visited his brother, a student at a large seminary. He was unfamiliar with the sprawling campus so he asked the first person who passed by, "Is this Davidson Hall?" The seminary student asked his brother if he had realized that he had been talking to a world-famous theologian. He had the opportunity to ask any question--and he asked about a building. Christians are like that. We have the opportunity to ask anything we want. Nevertheless, how many of us really do?

 Like anything else, our prayer life improves with practice and experience. Any new endeavor, takes time and commitment. It's like learning to type in high school. A teacher teaches the keystrokes, how to hold our hands and where to put our fingers. We can only become a good typist by practicing enough that we don't need a chart. Eventually, with enough experience, our fingers move quickly across the keyboard, often correcting mistakes without effecting our speed or accuracy. Quality comes with practice and experience.

At first, prayer may be nothing more than a child's sweet words, "Jesus, I love You." God's hears every cry of the human heart. Our prayers are so important to Him that He calls them incense, as a "sweet smelling fragrance" going up before His throne" (Rev. 5:8 KJV).

In this article we will examines five types of prayer. We won't pray each one every time we pray. However, with an active prayer life, we will regularly use them all, thus assuring us of a well-rounded healthy relationship with God.

The first is type of prayer is Praise. To praise God is to glorify Him. Glorifying simply signifies an opinion, estimate, and consequently the honor resulting from a good opinion.

As we praise God, we focus on Him and on the splendor of His character and nature. We tell Him how much we love and appreciate Him just because He is God. We draw attention to His holiness, His mercy, and His grace, telling Him what these attributes mean to us.

We don't praise God because He needs to hear it (Heb. 13:15). We praise Him because praise reminds us of His attributes. Starting prayer with praise breaks our minds loose from the cares of our day. As we speak, our minds begin to focus, our random thoughts slow down and positive images begin to form in our thinking. Doubts, worry, and fear loosen their grip as words of hope and encouragement fill our minds with faith.

 Praise prepares our minds, opening the door of communication between our spirit and God's Spirit. With the door open, we are ready for the second type of prayer, Confession. This is simply recognizing that we cannot measure up to God's holy standard. Scripture promises, "If we confess our sins He is just and faithful to forgive us our sins and to cleans us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9 KJV). No one can reach God's holiness. We rely on His mercy and Christ's blood to cleanse us from a defiled conscience. With a tender conscience, we can walk in holiness, acceptable to God.

Several years ago, my husband and I went to New York. Our second night there, we rode the Staten Island ferry. I was shocked at the filth. Paper, cigarettes, empty cups, and puddles of spilled coke, coffee, and sticky drinks littered the stairs and walkways. We passed right by the Statue of Liberty. It was a beautifully clear cold night. We tried to see Lady Liberty from the warmth inside, but the windows were so dirty from years of grease, smoke, and filth that we couldn't make out her image. We had to go outside just to get a clear view.

Like the Staten Island ferry, if we allow sin to dirty the windows of our conscience it will block our communication with God. Our conscience is the hinge on the door between our spirit and God's Spirit. When we confess our sin and repent, we remove anything blocking our view of God, keeping the door closed between us.

Praising God and confessing our sins leads us to freely Worship Him, the third type of prayer. Worship is reverent honor given to God. After He forgives our sins, we want to fall on our faces, in worship. In worshipping God, we adore His majestic power and nature. With the door of communication wide open between us, our spirits share uninhibited communion.

Worship is different from praise. In praise, we verbally acknowledge and speak positively of God's attributes. In worship we lay prostrate [if only in spirit] before God, in awe of Him, as we profess His might and recognize our fragileness. We may weep or sit quietly basking in His presence.

Following closely behind worship is Thanksgiving. In Thanksgiving we simply appreciate Him for who He is and for all He's done. You can't praise Him, confess your sins, and worship Him without true gratitude. When we've seen ourselves through His eyes in confession, and received His love through worship, thankfulness floods our being. We want to express our appreciation and thank Him for His goodness. We call this an Attitude of Gratitude.

We can only successfully pray the fifth type of prayer after investing time in praise, confession, worship, and thanksgiving. This gives us power for Petition. When we've been in God's holy presence, we have confidence to ask for our needs. Our petitions match His will for us and for those we bring before Him. Our desires line up with God's will.

If we go to God with our petitions first, we actually limit our effectiveness. We receive answers to our petitions because we are His children and we want to please our Father. Praise, confession, worship, and thanksgiving prepare our hearts and minds to know what to ask. We will know God's mind on many matters and will not ask selfishly or fruitlessly. He will drop things into our spirits that He wants to see happen in the lives of others. This level of communication comes through Spirit to spirit unity, reached through praise, confession, worship, and thanksgiving.

We can compare praying to children learning to color. Children learning to color have two problems. They often chose inappropriate colors and they have a hard time staying in the lines. As they mature, they learn to do both, thus creating a nice picture.

Our prayer life is that way. We don't always know what to pray for and we don't always stay in the guidelines of God's will. As we learn to pray, utilizing praise, confession, worship, thanksgiving, and petition we will learn to pray for the right things and stay within His will, thus creating a good prayer life, and an intimate friendship with God.